Without Trust, Wedding Bells WILL Turn to Rust!
Even in Hollywood. Especially in Hollywood. The idea of getting married is that you make a commitment… to spend the rest of your life together… for this and for that and all the rest of the homespun alternative vows that we say lovingly into one another’s eyes. Are you demanding a pre-nup? Then don’t get married in the first place! It doesn’t matter how big a star you are, how much real estate you have, or how much you’re set to inherit; if you think she’s going to morph into a money-grabbing bitch, or he’s going to gravitate towards becoming a gold digger, then isn’t it just plain common sense to leave things the way they are and not even go there? Especially when statistically one in however many marriages (I don’t ‘do’ statistics, so I’m going to take a stab that it’s one in four… and that’s probably just me being super optimistic with my rose-tinted specs stubbornly in place!) end in divorce.
By entering into a marriage with our suspicions, we have already laid out the path ahead.
We script our reality (including the rocky road or smooth seas of our marriage) with the thoughts we send out into cyberspace, aka. The Universe. So if our mind is boggled in paranoia, the possibility of infidelity – on either side! – or fearful ideas about our spouse suddenly wearing the trousers/becoming hunter gatherer/having babies and refusing to return to work again as soon as they’ve whisked us down the aisle because they want to be a House Husband, then chances are, sooner or later THAT is exactly the scenario we will have created for ourselves. In which case, YES, the prenuptial agreement may have been a sensible idea. But by even getting one drawn up at all, we are summoning marriage break up to ourselves as quickly as Miley Cyrus can offend the nation! And it’s equally unattractive and unnecessary.
We’re too wrapped up in fearful statistics.
We didn’t used to need all of this pre-nup nonsense. Marriage magically worked. Look, I am well aware that there are totally legitimate reasons for splitting up, just as there have been many, many marriages through the ages where we didn’t know what went on behind closed doors; domestic violence and abuse being the first things to spring to mind. And I would never suggest anyone stay together if things were in that camp. But nowadays we live in a world where most people will follow these so-called ‘statistics’ like a religion, above and beyond their own inner wisdom; be it statistics about divorce rates, crime, health or education. If only we realised how much power, how much weight is set in motion through the simple deed of taking action steeped in fear, then we’d stop dead in our tracks, correct our wayward thinking and live happily ever after. The simple fact, the only fact is this: If we want a happy marriage, we’ve got to get happy, set aside the fear… or recognise that this can’t be the right person if we’re feeling so doubtful, and visualise it the way we do want it to be. It really is that easy.
But contemplating it, giving divorce space in our mind, only brings it to us faster!
We can talk about divorce, fret over who is getting the Faberge eggs and worry about our dating ‘shelf life’ post Hubby or Wife number 1/2/3 until we’re blue in the face, but all that’s going to do is add energy to our belief that divorce is imminent. And voila, a break up is what we will bring about. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow… but any fear based thought that is held and acted upon for long enough, will eventually snowball to the point that it simply has to perpetuate, activating its ugly head into the movie that is our life. And then we find ourselves ‘consciously uncoupling’ a la Gwyneth or heading to the divorce courts just like Ben and Jen.
Disclaimer – I am not for one minute suggesting that these former Hollywood Golden Couples did the pre-nup thing… but when in L.A
Ignorance is Bliss
If you truly want to stay together and have sex with nobody other than your sweetheart for ever and ever amen, then the key is to focus on the wanted and let the unwanted go. To the uninitiated, it will sound like I am spurning utter mumbo-jumbo, but to those of you who are starting to lean towards enlightenment, and have some understanding of the laws of the Universe, you will already be familiar with the basic premise that ‘thoughts become things.’ Scientifically, this has been proven time and time again, and as simplistic as it may seem, when we don’t want something, such as a messy end to our marriage, then we shouldn’t fight against the idea, but replace those negative thoughts with an image of a strong relationship with our spouse instead. Sure, if you’ve been entrenched in crappy thoughts for some time, this is going to take practice. But you don’t even need to go down the ‘Men are From Mars’ route. There are a plethora of books out there on changing your thinking, but one of the best – and my constant go-to when I need to get back to the basics of The Law of Attraction, is Rhonda Byrne’s ‘The Secret.’ Despite the jealous critique it received far and wide, pretty soon, after a few words from Rhonda and the army of Positivity Chiefs who contributed to her first book, I have corrected my thinking once again and I’m back on the right track.
So if you’re about to say ‘I do’ yet you’re also having worried thoughts about the splitting up of your future possessions, do yourself a favour and do some ‘inner’ work before you get to the hen and stag do! Are you truly with the love of your life? Or are you just in need of a big fat injection of positivity?