Owning the ‘D’ on ‘V Day’
Divorced on Valentine’s Day somehow seems worse than just single. It’s like the universe is laughing at you, mocking you for the relationship you once had… even if it was void of romantic gestures. Suddenly cards that made you sigh “aww” now bring out this visceral anger, and you find yourself muttering under your breath about the commercialised exploitative nature of the industry, as children run away in fear from you in the Walmart aisle.
OK, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration. We’ll make it Target since that’s classier.
We vacillate between not wanting and not having a special someone.
We say “I don’t want much, I’m not asking for big fancy dinners and vacations, just a simple flower or card from someone who cares.” And then we say, “Who needs a man! I open my own pickle jars, I pay my own bills,” as we snap our fingers in a Z formation.
The truth is, while these opinions may seems vastly different, they are merely opposite sides of the same coin.
They represent the Beyoncé and Taylor Swift within us all – our need for need. It’s our need to be loved and to show love, our need to protect ourselves, our need to let people in, and our need for independence whilst allowing ourselves to depend on others.
I know a bunch of you reading this will now say, “yeah, whatever, I don’t need anyone or anything.” The people who need the most, are often the ones to push the most, deflect the most, and close themselves in. And then there are those whose desire to be needed is so strong that they give too much, too much of their time and too much of themselves.
We’ve all heard it, nothing in excess is healthy – other than chocolate, though my jeans may object to that sentiment.
We must find the balance between all our needs. And perhaps that’s really what we can make Valentine’s about. It’s about us –our emotional needs and balancing them all.
We accept our situation and ourselves for what we are. We accept our reality and adjust our expectations.
We may have been dreaming of a romantic Italian dinner for two, but we are eating bowl of Cheerios. And that’s OK.
Maybe we stop hating on Cupid and the heart-shaped paraphernalia, and maybe we start loving on ourselves.
Maybe we start giving ourselves what we really need – self-love, self-acceptance and most of all, self-forgiveness.
Maybe we grab Cupid by the wings and point that arrow directly at ourselves. Maybe we spoil ourselves with the love, attention and patience our souls crave and the chocolate we damn well deserve.
(Note from The Editor: Many thanks to Daniella for contributing to The Glass House. To read more from Daniella you can check her Author page here, or directly over at her own blog The Not So Single Life or keep up to date with her musings on her own Facebook page.)